US SURGEON General Dr. Vivek Murthy recently called for social media warning labels, which would state that “social media is associated with significant mental health harms for adolescents.” Dr. Murthy cites evidence from tobacco studies, which show that the use of warning labels helped reduce tobacco use. Amid these comparisons between cigarettes and social media apps, many parents may understandably feel a heightened sense of alarm.

While setting strict screen time limits might seem like the simplest way to protect your children from harmful situations online, we feel that this is not the best or only solution. We, an adolescent and a clinician, were brought together to work on issues of digital wellness and through this unique experience, we want parents to take a nuanced approach when they think about screens. 

Back in middle school, Chloe’s parents set a 30-minute daily screen time limit on her phone. Today, as a senior at Phillips Andover, the time she spends on her phone is closer to two hours, meaning her screen time has almost quadrupled over the past few years. While two hours may automatically seem less healthy than 30 minutes, her experience has actually been the very opposite.

Previously, the 30 minutes of screen time would be nothing but draining: she would spend the half hour feeling like she needed to “catch up” by consuming as much content as she possibly could. In contrast, the two hours of screen time now feel far more balanced. She does continue to use social media apps like TikTok and fall into the occasional scroll blackhole, but also FaceTimes friends, finds breakfast recipes, and explores new hobbies.

She’s found ways to see her phone as a tool to help her feel recharged and connected. As a clinician, Dr. Sinclair-McBridge thinks this makes good developmental sense: too strict of a limit creates a scarcity mindset. Chloe likely needed more oversight as a preteen and younger teen than she needs as the accomplished young adult she is now. 

Phones and tablets aren’t inherently bad –– it’s not just how much time we’re spending online, but how we’re spending it. Doom scrolling is vastly different from creating Pinterest boards, watching history videos on YouTube, or solving the daily Wordle. Given these distinctions, it is crucial for parents to keep in mind that screen time is just one metric, not the whole picture of (un)healthy digital media use. 

Instead of getting bogged down in the number of hours and minutes your child spends online, consider centering digital literacy. In other words, teach your child how to use social media safely and responsibly in a way that serves them well. This could include emphasizing that social media does not mirror reality, helping your child identify and avoid harmful content, and discussing how to balance screens with real life responsibilities. Although having conversations about digital literacy may seem more daunting than just setting a time limit, your child will be better equipped to be mindful and critical of what they see online in the long run.

That said, problematic internet use is a real concern, and reducing screen time may be a necessary intervention when social media interferes with your child’s daily functioning. In situations where you need to set screen time limits, make an effort to have a two-way conversation with your child. When communicating why you are setting screen time limits, highlight your concern for their well-being rather than attacking their habits in an accusatory tone. Consider working with your child to decide on a time limit and establish consequences that seem reasonable and sustainable. It may be helpful to lead with open-ended questions, such as:

  • When do you find yourself reaching for your phone? Is that what you need at that moment?
  • What are some real-life activities you want to spend more time on instead of scrolling?
  • When do you feel most fulfilled and uplifted online? How can we work to maximize those experiences and minimize the not-so-good ones? 
  • Do you feel like I’m missing anything about teen tech use, or is there something you wish I understood better about your online experiences? 

In short, whether you choose to restrict screen time or not, it is important that your child feels involved in the process. With strategies, support, and autonomy, your teen will feel empowered to take control over their relationship with the online world. 

Chloe Kim is a high school senior at Phillips Andover who is passionate about youth mental health and digital wellness. Keneisha Sinclair-McBrideis a child and adolescent clinical psychologist.